Nearly two years ago I joined the local YMCA to gain weight. So I started eating yogurt, bagels, and more nuts, while at the same time doing aerobic exercise at the gym and doing free weights at home. It worked.
Last night I got myself out of the house and to the gym. I like the exercise equipment, while M gets bored and walks laps. Lately she has started to run and walk the laps. I was a copycat and have been doing some running.
I do this exercise for many reasons, but I think what prompted me the most was how slowly my body was bouncing back after winter. The garden at school would call out and I would leap into it and my body would lag behind. The last two springs have been much better.
Last night I ran to exhaust myself. This sin stuff has led to a bit too much guilt over what happened nearly a week ago. I have played the situation in my head and I did not make any monstrous mistakes, and I have made those in my teaching career. Nobody has questioned my actions, even the teacher whose class was most affected.
So I ran and I walked and I ran..... It is fun. It was exhausting. Then as I cooled down, wisdom flowed into me. I am imperfect. Sometimes my imperfections will pass by with little consequence and some times it will lead to chaos in the world. I stopped on the track and confessed to God because no matter what chaos did occur and it started in my class.
Yesterday a student asked if I had "worked things out" with the student, his friend. I hadn't because the student has not been on campus. Today he was back, but not to my class. He was being escorted around campus near the end of the school day and stopped by my classroom. He was in a good place. He showed me some work he had done and was proud of completing. It was good work. He turned to go. After a few steps he stopped, turned around and apologized. He said he was sorry. I told him that I was sorry that he had had such a rough time.
Later I was told it is my choice if he ever returns to my class. Maybe I should flip a coin for I am truly uncertain what to do.
Can I tell you, Wayne, that I do not view "sin" in the manner many others do. What's more: I find much within my Bible upon which to found my reasoning and, perhaps, often the very same verses someone else uses to define it otherwise. For me, sin is not something we "do", but something we "are". It is a walking in contrary to the voice of God. While others might well agree with that last sentence, they then proceed to list everything that they deem as sin, rather than recognize it as a matter of the heart. God is not waiting with a big stick to address our mistakes, but merely wants our surrender of who we are, warts and all, unto Him. You just take your mistakes, your stumbles, your "sin" unto Him and ask for His hand in future affairs. I'm confident, in such manner, the answer to your current question will be answered in one way or the other. Peace, buddy............
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about what happened in your class. Violence (from what I can piece together from your words I am assuming violence?) has such horrible ripple effects.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note I hate you for having to try to gain weight! I am an expert in that area, so if you need any advice...
Jim-- yes, you can tell me. I do not believe I was against God that day in my classroom, however, what happened made me reflect upon my actions. I have done this for 20 years.... take responsibility for my class. The self-reflection has shown patterns and behaviors that did not lead to peace. I am a better teacher for it. I think Wednesday night was a peak in angst and fortunately led to exercise turning to God at the gym.
ReplyDeleteHeidi-- the challenge has been those ripple effects and with weight gain has been how to do it by eating healthy.