... that's what my mom said, or something like it, a few years ago.
An hour in Gilead is exhausting for this stoic guy. An hour has passed and I repeat what I had said 20 minutes earlier, when I had imagined my six year old self driving home in deep silence...
Why am I doing this?
My dad says... We don't want you to get another infection.
I waited 39 years to hear those words. Finally in my imagination they arrive. Finally I break the silence.
To my same question, my guide to healing says... You desire wholeness.
A fascinating look inside the Obama campaign gets me half way home... Not quite do anything to win, but the man is a politician and that said they have one goal--- win. However, when he was being attacked for saying he would talk to our enemies, his aides began writing a memo to back him away from his comment. He told them to stop and charged them to take a higher road... convince people it is the right thing to do.
Talk to our enemies... Talk to our demons.
I stop at a WAWA and resist the junk food. I am biting into a banana as I run into a co-worker outside the store. A quick hello and I am back in the car in search of soothing, enough news.
It comes randomly through my iPod. A tune from the only CD which I have ever bought, which I had owned in another format.The vinyl version goes back to a music exploration class in college 23 years ago: Blues on Bach by The Modern Jazz Quartet.
It took me a long time to find a place where you can hear it, and so I invite you to listen to some jazz inspired by Bach.
I was so ready to stop before the hour ended ... but the guide takes me deeper and deeper, then as she did twice before, I am invited to bring Jesus into it.
week 1. Jesus rips at the "bubble of pressure."
week 2. Jesus lifts the burden of being overwhelmed and while offering no reassurances except that he will walk with me... and something about a yoke.
week 3 Jesus takes my hand and my dad's hand and we form a triangle. He says ... Peace Be With You.
all that Jesuit training in imaginative prayer has led to this place.
...
I like Julian of Norwich's take:
ReplyDeleteHe did not say, "You will never have a rough passage, you will never be overstrained, you will never feel uncomfortable," but he did say, "You will never be overcome." ....So all will be well.
May all be well, and thanks for the jazz - which may soothe my soul as well.
Hope and healing are a good place to be and worth the years spent on the training. I like Michelle's quote from Julian of Norwich - I needed that this week.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to come back to listen to the jazz - I'm catching this durng lunch at school.
Michelle and Kathryn--- thanks for the comments. all may be well... that is how she starts it, if I remember correctly... who knows it just may be well.
ReplyDeleteor maybe soon..
or maybe later????
all will be well... somehow I see this as being true for most things, if we allow it to be... in some things we resist wellness.
in other things, we have to remember it may be well... God, I am tired. took students on epic field trip today and just typed up a test for tomorrow.
I tried linking to the Bach, but couldn't hook up for some reason, no doubt my limited knowledge of this electronic monster. I also read this at least twice and find myself almost without words, buddy. You come across to me as being so much at peace with yourself and others that it is hard to think you doing counseling. Not that such activity indicates anything other than something we all probably need to approach to some degree. In fact, it probably just exposes my own mistrust of people with the personal parts of who I am. I say that, though, realizing I often reveal those parts unto others when I talk to them at the rescue or the YDC.........
ReplyDeleteJim--- will comment more by e-mail (at some point). for now, lets say this... I feel we are called to heal ourselves in the process of becoming our true selves. As I have done this over the years, my relationship with God, others, and myself have improved.
ReplyDeleteI gotta believe that one must have hope (if one already has faith) that peace and healing will come, if one works at it.... Seems like you are working hard to make that happen in your life.... Admiration!
ReplyDeleteGiggles--- thanks. deciding to leap in was hard, but I do have hope of rewards for going into it.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many people... me among them... who only hope that Obama continues to make his own way, and not allow Washington to change him.
ReplyDeleteblackswamp girl-- Yes, I had a conversation to end the work week (with a friend whom I somehow had not seen since the election) about this hope so many have at this time.
ReplyDeleteSadly, the Bach thing is only available to US citizens so I couldn't have a listen. I really want to hear this! Arrrggh!
ReplyDeleteSimply wanted to mention how much I appreciate your writings.
Mich
Mich-- sorry that the link didn't work, The album is called Blues On Bach by the Modern Jazz Quartet. I hope you get to hear it somewhere.
ReplyDelete