No, it is the sadness in Margaret's voice that I wake with in my heart. Without saying it, I know she is ready for me to come home. It is the second time I hear her sadness in six hours. The first time was expressed by Ella F.
So, I sit here and hit play to track 14...... "I had to call you on the phone because I feel so all alone, don't like this being on my own, can't you, won't you hurry home. I leave the door unlocked in case like me you find your out of place, I'd give the world to see your face, can't you won't you hurry home." Jazz is supposed to bring me closer to God, not remind me of being missed. What is the difference?
Two days left and the thoughts float up as they usually do..... am I out of place?
"You could have created an amazing stained glass"
"You could have read that book you have put off."
"You could have gotten the garden at home in great shape before going back to work."
"You could have made some wonderful meals with the extra time off."
"You could have gone on a mini-vacation with Margaret."
"You could have had lunch with that friend you haven't had time to see."
"You could have had your life if you were at home!!!!"
"You could leave early, what does the last two days matter?"
why not hurry home?
Because Ella sings on in track 15....
"I know how Columbus felt finding another world. Kiss me once then onceYes, that song about finding the joy of kissing is how I feel about finding God
more, what a dunce I was before, what a break for heavens sake how long has
been going on? I could cry salty tears where have I been all
years. tell me dear how long has this been going on? what a
kick! what a
buzz! boy you click like no one does!"
here at Wernersville. Then there is the community here. Sure I
haven't been talking to them, well not much.
Last night I was walking about thinking of more things to tell my 5 year old self when the moon rose larger than life. I see the hospice chaplain/nurse, who I ate with that first meal before we entered the silence, sitting on the steps leading to the front door. God, wants her to see this moon, so I head over. But God beat me and before I say anything, she says, "It's so beautiful." I nod and keep walking.
I stay for the woman who asked us to pray for her friend whose husband left her after 30 years of marriage. For the woman God wanted to eat taomato salad who jsut has susch a great smile she continues to share with me and anyone else who dares to make eye contact with her, I stay for them and they stay for me. Other prayer concerns expressed this week come back to me now. The man who looks like someone I knew in Oregon has a friend in a chaos so deep there seems like there is no hope.
I stay for myself for the Cd plays on and I believe if I do, then as Ella sings so perfectly....
"There's an ache in my heart, I'll never be the same again...."