return to coming by sorrow

not sure why Julie Miller's tune has been in my head this week, but it has.

Maybe it is feeling lost at work when it comes to having any clue as to how to help some "challenging" students.

Maybe it my own past creeping into my subconscious.

Maybe it is reading and listening to stories of friends, who have emerged and/or are emerging from sorrow.

Yesterday driving home from work, I fell asleep behind the wheel for an instant. The car and I were not moving at the time (stopped by a commuter train crossing the road). Last night I so wanted to pass out and sleep but needed some info. Annoyed by no response from an e-mail and no response from a phone message, and by the lack of info given by a friend on the phone... I got dressed and walked a short distance to get the info during which time I cared less about hiding my annoyance. Tonight I will be with these friends and that is the info I had been searching for...

because I did desire to see them, but apparently not last night.

More than ever I am feeling the energy drain from my job. Maybe I needed to remember how I have emerged from sorrow. Some of the photos chosen to go with this song I could live with out, others resonate in my heart. Like Julie Miller and many others, I have come by way of sorrow...

unsettled

That's how it feels right now. and I don't know how to write about it. So I turn to Julie Miller.

Her CD, Blue Pony, is one of my favorites and I had not listened to it for a couple years. I hoped something would resonate.

I have been openly telling my life story to a new friend, who I wish lived closer. She came to my school on three occasions to train us teachers this past year. After the second visit I e-mailed her and said I thought we would be friends if she lived closer. She agreed, but I did not keep the messages flowing. After the third visit, I e-mailed her to say that I would have made an attempt to be social with her, except for the fact that I had signed up for a silent retreat which started two hours after the training. She e-mailed with questions about the retreat and I did not stop the flow.

The scientist inside wants to know why I can see a person and sense a new friend, or in the case of Mosaic Woman, a person to intimately share a life. But the part of me which is glad the world is still filled with mysteries, is feeling joy when yet another e-mail arrives from my new friend and is glad to leave it there as a mystery. I fall into a trust as I tell her how I have arrived here in 2008 over a series of e-mails, and I am blessed as her story unfolds in the messages sent back to me, and I listen to Julie Miller sing these words:

By Way Of Sorrow (Julie Miller)

You've been taken by the wind
You have known the kiss of sorrow
Doors that would not take you in
Outcast and a stranger

You have come by way of sorrow
You have come by way of tears
But you'll reach your destiny
Meant to find you all these years
Meant to find you all these years

You have drunk a bitter wine
With none to be your comfort
You who once were left behind
Will be welcome at love's table

You have come by way of sorrow
You have come by way of tears
But you'll reach your destiny
Meant to find you all these years
Meant to find you all these years

All the nights that joy has slept
Will awake to days of laughter
Gone the tears that you have wept
You'll dance in freedom ever after

You have come by way of sorrow
You've come over a stoney ground
But you'll reach your destiny
Meant to find you all these years
Meant to find you all these years

Tinkie Tunes(ASCAP)/Martha Road(ASCAP)

Peace