ten minutes of breathing then ten minutes of jazz

I've fallen into a habit on most workdays... after rising and breakfasting and computering and showering... I crawl back into bed for ten minutes.

It started in the longest nights of winter so maybe it was a hope of hibernating, however, it seemed to be a less restful ten minutes of my mind racing. So now it has become an attempt to slow my mind and watch my breath before work.

That is quite a task as surely I need those ten minutes to plan my school day. So, here is to breathing and watching the process and letting the rest of the looming day be quiet.


I did a search ten minutes jazz...

today and tomorrow

The day started with me writing "Bacteria in the NEWS..."

1. we now know a trick of TB which may lead to new drugs... hope
2. cars in England have well over 200 species of bacteria living in them... I wonder how many were in my car I just donated to charity.
3. Traditionally used Korean copper bowls kill a nasty bacteria that thrives in raw fish... cultural evolution meets biological evolution.
4. a cyanobacteria can fix nitrogen and it can do photosynthesis... blows the mind of biochemists. It also has linear chromosomes for those who care to know.
5. E coli have been engineered to make the plastic used in spandex and car bumpers... "green" plastic not from oil... this ones scares me and makes me say how cool.

The day ended with me sending an e-mail to say OOPS. Was not a great sin, but I wanted my supervisor to not lay full blame on another staff, declare my imperfections, explain the situation in full, and I wanted the person to reconsider a decision that will make a student sad.

So tomorrow I will head into work with the uncertainty of how my e-mail will bounce around in the head of the one it was sent to??????

Night also creates uncertainty. Uncertainty brings on fear. It is no wonder we love our electricity and that there are image after image in the Bible of God and Jesus being compared to light. Light is good.

Those who have journeyed with me know that Mosaic Woman and I do our fair share of cultural events. In 11 years of being in the suburbs, we have not headed to Philadelphia at night with each other, though we have each gone with friends. Tomorrow night that changes. A living legend, who graduated from the same school as my dad, is coming to town. In my opinion, the most beautiful jazz CD I own is The Melody of the Night, With You solo piano jazz by Keith Jarrett. In his early years he was known for epic imrovs and this album may shock those who have only heard those albums. Most of the tunes he selected are classic jazz standards, but not this one, click here, give your eyes a break, and listen to a man who is known to grunt at his piano to pull out notes he imagines it can make, if only he hopes and dreams them into being. Do you have 5 minutes and 46 seconds to share with the man's passion? I wish all of you do.

last and first

I end the last page of my journal today with these words:

"I finished off the doodle, cause an imperfection or two when I spray it. I lie down to listen to a few Keith Jarrett improvistations before I enter into prayer. I end this journal here. Ready to venture into some truths I have not wanted to face. I will let the Father guide me, Sophia comfort me, and Jesus heal me. if and only if, it their desires.

peace hope joy and love

The Man who blames it on his youth"

I turn to find the first entry. It is September/4/2006 I ended that day's examen with this:

"What has brought God's seed to my life?

seeing Margaret for the first time, and years later her saying she wanted to know me?

Touchberry.... "extreme unction" on Christmas Day four weeks after returning to church-- where I learned about letting things die in order to live.

music, doodling

Psalm 139--- Wernersville 2004--- tears and anger"



Sister Maria had the courage to ask me to go where I didn't want to go. But now I am grateful. It just may have led to less blame on my youth, my God, my wife; and more acceptance of who I am. My greatest sadness has changed. It is on the way to being accepted. Maybe that is the lesson of this retreat. Great sadnesses can be accepted. This one is who I am. It is a place to yearn for this acceptance of your nature. It is the spirit of Jarrett playing solo, playing 'Shenandoah' as if it was a jazz standard.

I already had thought it was the most beautiful jazz piano in the world, "The melody at Night, With You." The CD I turned to this morning when I was ranting and wondering why I had chosen to be here. I asked Sister Maria if there was an easier path to take. She said, "Sophia will be gentle. I turn to solo piano. The CD will point out that "I got it Bad and That Ain't Good", that I have "Someone to Watch Over me" that maybe I can stop "Blaming everything on my youth" That Margaret and God have said to me "Be My Love" that "Shenandoah" is the place we most yearn to be, and then he ends with a reminder of that icy Frigidaire and the attitude that I so want to avoid because if "I'm Through with Love" I might as well call it a life.

one full day of silence is left.