I would like to think that what happened Thursday morning will be the roughest hour I experience for a long time. I now have some time this weekend to consider my safety, the safety of my students, and the needs of one student. In many ways the week at school was great, but my mind has not been turning to how we planted garlic, took cuttings of lavender and rosemary, got more leaves raked and dragged to the garden...... Instead it is what happened in one class that draws my energy.
And I continue to pray on my sins these days. Thinking about a certain school bus driver brings me shame. Thinking about her going home at night after putting up with my friends and I, makes me feel how wretched I can be. I know what a bad interaction with a student can do to a person. Thinking about how God's creation was beautiful when I was separated from God, helps me to remember and be grateful for this very creation which taught me to care when I was in a dark place. I think of the chickadee that came by garden on Thursday after the incident, as the students were mulching the garlic beds. What happened in my classroom on Thursday brings up thoughts of times I have been angry. I think about a God who did not strike me dead or refuse to reconnect with me no matter how I far I strayed.
Thursday afternoon a friend suggested that I turn to my spirituality. 90 minutes later I was walking a labyrinth. It helped me to pray for the young man in crisis. I wish I knew with certainty what is best for him, my other students, and myself. I take it to God and hope for the wisdom to face this.