Saturday, April 18, 2009

Friday group 1-- a question

Spent time with two groups of friends last night... thoughts on the first.
Three of five have shared their stories at my monthly spirit group, when I jump in... shoulder first. My prayer life has been minimal. Holy Week was spent not following Jesus but being frustrated over my lingering cold and my shoulder taking a turn in the wrong direction. I think of those words that came to me in prayer when I first started OT... "You can heal."
We fall back into silence.

I am asked, "What do you need from God?"
When my OT asked me what I wanted this week, I said... "I want the pain to be gone."
Last night blind gardeners come to mind as I sit thinking about what I had been asked. So I talk about blind gardeners and I decide I don't want to ask God to remove my pain. I want the wisdom to garden with the body I have at that moment.
I say jokingly that I need my knee to hurt to distract me from the shoulder. How do I release this pain.... not focusing on it would help. Twice a day I am heating, exercising, and icing it. Twice a week my evening schedule is changed by OT appointments. My mind is filled by wondering if I can do that task or avoid that one.
The other day another thought floated into my brain. Another old injury that lingered. A massage therapist that released the pain. I need the wisdom to heal not just the hope that I can.
The group is over and I rise from my chair. Both my knees, which having experienced the earth while I planted onions at work, pop and crackle loudly as my legs straighten.
I wake in the morning, my shoulder no worse no better for the digging in the dirt. Knees seem to function. Thighs are sore. I can live with this.

and that is my desire.
...

7 comments:

  1. Ouch! The start of gardening season can be rough on the body. I hope the pain goes away soon.

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  2. I believe in healing, but I also believe it comes as most else does in relationship with Him: in His time, at His discretion, as He sees best to accomplish it in us. Therefore the better route, to me, is close to what you seem to have chosen: taking the case to Him, as often as you need, and then simply resting in the relationship you share...

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  3. Hoping that tonight you are able to sink onto a comfortable bed and get some rest from both pain and tension.

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  4. Kathryn--- winter is a nice break, but the body gets used to not gardening

    Jim--- I am so glad my friend asked me that question last night. It has guided me in the right direction.

    Gannet Girl--- Nice blessing. I accept it with a grateful heart.

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  5. i empathize with your pain and i can only offer words that i try to keep in my mind and heart on a daily basis: "let go and let God."

    it doesn't make the pain go away but it moves my mind into a place where i can absorb it, not be crippled by it and can move forward, albeit gingerly.

    (oh yeah: you can also take 3 aspirin every three hours for three days! reduces it all to a dull throbbing sort of pain -- not so acute. but only for three days: then you either have to tough it out for a day or hope the respite has been enough to make one day tolerable.)

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  6. Red-- I'm just in from planting 36 pansies in my front yard. shoulder seems to like action more than rest. but ice is resting on it right now and I am timing my ventures into the garden.

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  7. Your version of the serenity prayer....and wisdom....

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