Monday, September 14, 2009

Going deeper, imagining myself on the boat

So I am one who would rather be in the shadows of the crowd, not in the spotlight of the boat.

When I returned to Matthew 14: 13-21 in the evening, I followed the meditation I had been given by my spiritual director, so instead of being fed by the disciples, I became a distributor of the food.

A few years back I spent a retreat asking for a some direction in my life. Should I focus on horticulture, teaching, stained glass, spirituality? So for a week of silence I asked and asked and asked. And didn't hear the answer. so I probably asked again.

I once sent out an e-mail at work in which I signed off Hope, Peace, and Joy. A friend wrote back and said that Hope had left town a long time ago.

I can't seem to walk with God and believe my friend is correct. And if my friend is correct and despair runs rampant, then maybe I need to continue to live out what may just be my calling. Except for all those moments when I do not help to bring forth the amazing gifts of the spirit... hope, peace, and joy.... and I see amazing challenges looming at work.

So the answer I did not hear when I kept asking was.... , "Yes, feel free to do all those things."

as I read Matthew these words said by Jesus resonated, "Give them something to eat themselves."

If the desire is there, the hungry can be fed. My students can feel joy inside a classroom. My colleagues can feel a bit more peace at work. My donations can bring hope to those in need.

here is a path I didn't take (fear of ticks) and my favorite from a series trying to photograph fish...

thanks for visiting, you are more than welcomed to comment.


  1. I personally feel very little in the way of hope. But on the outside of the door of my seminary room is a sign thats says "TIKVA." I have to look at it every time I go inside.

  2. Gannet Girl--- maybe I need one on my classroom door. I have wonderful reminders in my studio... that post is coming.

  3. Most times, I feel as though I'm looking at hope through the wrong end of the binoculars. In fact, I had to go look it up just to clarify it for myself.

    1 : to desire with expectation of obtainment
    2 : to expect with confidence : trust"

    Ever so slowly, I'm learning how to trust.

    Glad you're sharing your journey, Wayne. Particularly like that fish shot.

  4. Daisy, for me hope is the first. I don't expect anything with confidence, much too much into living with uncertainty. I like the word desire.

  5. Remembered these two quotes from Shawshank Redemption, a movie I love.

    "Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well. Your friend, Andy."

    "I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."

  6. Daisy--- thanks. I too favor that movie.


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